Oh, That’s Easy

“Oh, that’s easy – just wget the tarball, unzip it, chmod 0744 the shell script and ./install.”

“Oh, that’s easy – it’s a 4 chord song in the key of C, just follow along, you’ll pick it up really quick.”

“Oh, that’s easy – just dice some onions, brown the beef, and mix these spices, then sautee the whole thing with a few cloves of garlic.”

One of the most powerful, fascinating skills the human brain has is the ability to take fascinating, wonderful, complicated things and make us feel like they’re simple. We assimilate, absorb, consume the essence of an activity so that we transform from bumbling creatures unable to lift our own heads into multitasking heroes, performing incredible feats of coordination, calculation, and dexterity – and be unimpressed. When’s the last time you brushed your teeth and thought, “Wow, I’m really getting good at this!” or patted yourself on the back for having the coordination required to pat yourself on the back?

Okay, I got weird there for a second. Bringing it back:

This is a terribly important skill for us to have. If we, as a species, were unable to acclimate and develop new norms, we’d still be emotionally overwhelmed every time we saw fire – to say nothing of electricity, chemistry, music, and everything else we take for granted most days. It is vital to progress, invention, learning, and it’s a beautiful thing.

However, like everything else, we take this skill – our ability to take incredible things and normalize them – and we normalize it. This, too, is good, but it can have some consequences. The most significant is this: after we learn something, we quickly forget what it was like to not know it. We forget how to empathize with people who don’t know, and we rapidly begin assuming that most people also know everything we do, even though we had no idea what we’ve learned was a thing, not so long ago.

Here’s a trivial example: When I was in third grade, I was pretty good at arithmetic. I was always one of the first ones done multiplication table challenges, I got A’s on my test, and I was doing stuff in double digits (a big deal for a third grader!). One day, my teacher asked me to help another student who was struggling with multiplication. I went over to help, and after a few false starts, trying to explain how multiplication worked, I broke down in tears. I didn’t know how to explain arithmetic to my friend — I just did it. Four times three didn’t make twelve because I’d followed a sequence of steps to arrive at that answer. It just was twelve.

There are plenty of more complicated examples, like those I’ve listed at the beginning. As we develop mastery over a topic, especially one in our career or favorite hobby, we transition from “how do I” to “I bet I can” to “Oh, so that’s how” to “Oh, that’s easy.”

The important thing, which I’ve only learned much more recently, is how this affects the way we share our knowledge with others. It is good and important for each of us to develop mastery in skills, and be able to regard as easy things which were once mysteries. It is not so great to greet a new learner in that same skill with “Oh, that’s easy.” It is important to remember that some things are not inherently easy, but instead have been made easy by much practice, during which that same task was hard.

This is just a simple reminder. It’s not a clickbait-y, “here’s one thing everyone needs to stop doing” admonition. It’s not finger-pointing. I’m passing no judgment. But it’s worth remembering, from time to time, that many of the things you’re really, really good at today are things you used to be unable to do, and think about that when you get a chance to share it with someone.

How about you? What’s your “oh, that’s easy” from your profession or hobby? Have you done that to people before? Had it done to you? Let me know.

I Love You

In light of recent events, I want to share this short message.

If you’re reading this, I love you.

I love you if you believe what I believe. I love you if you don’t.
I love you if you like what I like. I love you if you don’t.
I love you if you look like me. I love you if you don’t.
I love you if you act like me. I love you if you don’t.
I love you if you respect me for being different from you. I love you if you don’t.
I love you if you love me. I love you if you don’t.
I love you if you feel valued and respected by the culture you live in. I love you if you don’t.

I love you if you love people who aren’t like you. I love you if you don’t.

Smile When You Are Ready

I don’t usually care very much about fortunes from fortune cookies. They’re usually cheesy, vague, and blandly positive. “You will have a good experience” and “Friendship opportunities await you soon” are not going to change your life (and I once saw a friend get a fortune which read “You are mumph,” which was just befuddling).

But I actually got a fortune that meant something to me recently, and it really underscored my experiences over the past few months. It said: Smile when you are ready.

Here’s some context: I woke up one particular Sunday morning on the wrong side of the bed. I used to believe that was a dumb expression, but I’ve experienced waking up in a bad mood for no reason a handful of times now. This unlucky Sunday, things that normally irritate me a little were making me want to scream, and I had no patience for anything. It culminated with my walking out of the sanctuary halfway through the worship service and going off to a quiet place to sulk.

Fortunately, I ended up sulking real close to a bible, so I spent the next 45 minutes or so reading and praying, meditating on my life and my relationship to God, and gaining a refreshed understanding of some things (which I’ll flesh out in a minute). I didn’t come out of that time feeling cheerful and upbeat, but I definitely felt better. Then I went to lunch, enjoying the company of some wonderful people, and had a little fun for the first time that day. That was when I got that fortune, and it instantly made the whole morning make sense to me. Again, it didn’t totally wash away the gloom, but strangely, I’m glad it didn’t.

Let me see if I can explain why this was profound for me.

In the past few years, I’ve been reminded again and again by Scripture, by friends, and by experience that being a Christian doesn’t make life automatically easy. It’s not a promise of a life free from worry, or pain, or trial. In fact, we are to cherish those trials, because surviving them makes us stronger (James 1:2-4). In general, I have appreciated and acknowledged this wisdom, but filed it away under “good to know” but not pulled it out when things actually got bad. That Sunday, I stared that in the face, and leaned in. I realized, “Here I am, having a bad day, but I’m a Christian, and part of that is difficulty. I can’t deny or reject this bad experience without also denying and rejecting the joy of Jesus’ gift of salvation.”

This ties in a bit with a lesson I’ve learned from the school of mindfulness meditation. A fundamental tenet of mindfulness is to focus on what is, presently, and not to focus on wishes or dreams. Simply acknowledge that whatever’s going on is who you are at that moment. There’s something beautiful about owning your experience, even a crappy one; it doesn’t solve the problems, and it doesn’t make you happy, but sometimes all you need in order to keep going is a reminder that the world hasn’t ended yet.

There’s one more key reason this is helpful: faking it usually makes things worse. You’re lying to yourself, you’re hiding your struggle from the people who might be able to help you, and you can’t fix a problem you keep pretending isn’t there. It is basically always better to acknowledge that things are not great than to pretend that they are. (Of course, there are also plenty of times where you need to keep moving, even if you don’t feel up to it, but you can own up to how you feel and still move on, rather than pretending you’re not struggling.)

I felt all of this summarized and crystallized when I read that simple phrase, “Smile when you are ready.” I’m struggling to capture it in words, because that’s just how profound moments of clarity work, but I hope you’ve taken some encouragement from this short reflection.

Don’t forget to smile, but don’t force a smile you don’t mean.

What do you think? Let me know.

Answering the Call

April 20th will be my last day working as a contractor for Comcast on Xfinity Home. In some ways, it’s a transition that’s been in process since December. However, in many ways this is a transition I began several years ago, before I even started at Comcast and, in fact, before I graduated college.

So where am I going? The answer is in this post, and you’re probably going to scan for it before reading the rest of the post (hint: It’ll be in bold), but I want to preface it with a little bit of my story.

The Road from Here to There

It’s no secret that my faith in Jesus is important to me – in fact, I go out of my way to make sure it’s not a secret. I’m sure I sound like a broken record to some people. But the simple truth is that I believe the Bible, I believe in Jesus life, death, and resurrection, and I believe it is the most important story we can tell, discuss, and experience. I could (and hope to) write much, much more on those ideas, but my purpose today is much more specific.

Take a look at this tweet that I wrote almost two years ago (before starting at Comcast):

I share that to illustrate how premeditated this job change is. This has been on my mind for a while. Since my senior year at RIT (2012), discussing my dreams with close friends, attending Urbana 12, and constantly asking the question, “How can I use what I’ve been studying at RIT for the sake of the Gospel?”, the intersection between faith and technology has been stuck in my brain in a big way. Much more specifically, I’ve sought an intersection between my faith and my career in technology.

There’s been a lot of iteration since then. I got married. I applied for jobs at a few companies making software for churches. I didn’t get those jobs. I created Kingdom Builders, where I met over 200 people like me. I fought the depression beast (update: I’m winning). And then — those words are poetry to me right now — and then, I went to Hack4Missions at Urbana 15.

The Job

At Urbana 15, I found my dream job. This May, I’ll be joining InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA as a Campus Web Developer and a member of the Ministry in Digital Spaces team. I don’t think my tweet from 2014 was prophetic, but in hindsight it shouldn’t surprise me that I’m joining InterVarsity. RIT’s InterVarsity chapter immeasurably transformed my faith, life, and friendships. Urbana 12 and 15 are both close behind my wedding day on the list of most significant events in my life. InterVarsity, from floor to ceiling, is such a dedicated, sincere, love-abundant hub of service to God that I can’t think of a better place to call home.

I’m excited to join an organization that’s taking technology, the Internet, and the current digital reshaping of culture so seriously. I’m looking forward to helping college students connect with their faith and share their faith well, no matter what medium that connection uses. I’m excited to write code for Jesus!

Responding

Not long after I accepted the position, I had the chance to hear my little sister and her concert choir perform When I Survey The Wondrous Cross, and one verse struck me as the perfect summary for this moment. I may be starting a new job, but much more importantly, I’m responding to a calling, to which I hope to dedicate my life:

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Grab Bag

March is almost over, and I still haven’t written a blog post. I have ideas for posts, but nothing has grabbed me enough to dedicate a full post to it. So here’s a grab bag post, mostly stream of consciousness, with a few things for you to ponder.

All Christians Believe…

One of the biggest revelations for me in the past few years has been how many differences in belief there are between Christians. From baptism to end times, even to whether Jesus was a literal, historical person, there are people who identify as Christians and do their best to follow and worship Jesus Christ that believe radically different things.
This is something I’d like to fully explore in a longer post, but the short takeaway here is this:
  • If you’re a Christian, please love your brothers and sisters. If they believe something you don’t, there may be an appropriate way to challenge them on it and explore the topic together, but please, let’s always put loving Jesus and our neighbors ahead of every other issue.
  • Whether you’re a Christian or not, place the Bible in higher authority than people. Every Christian is going to misunderstand or warp at least something, and some will even deliberately abuse the culture of Christianity for decidedly un-Christian ends. This is not a failing of Christianity, this is a failing of people. If you want to know whether the Bible is true, don’t use Christians as a rubric; use God’s word.

Politics

I try to avoid talking much about politics online (the signal to noise ratio is already brutal), but this year is ridiculous. All I’ll say, right now, for anyone who’s reading this, is: when deciding who to vote for, ask yourself, “Will this candidate increase or decrease the amount of love in the world?”

Books

Some of you may know that I read 60 books last year (thanks mostly to commuting by train). I thought it would be good to recommend some of the best books I’ve read, not just last year but in my lifetime. I may write deeper reflections on some of these later.
In no particular order:
  • Ender’s Game – sci-fi novel, very thought-provoking and formative for me, first read in elementary or middle school
  • Mere Christianity – A common favorite work of C.S. Lewis, really added fuel to the fire of my faith
  • Orthodoxy – This book is a masterpiece, and helped restore a wonder and delight in mystery that I had started to lose.
  • I Am Malala – A beautiful, touching book from a perspective profoundly different from mine. Eye opening, emotional, necessary.
  • The Calorie Myth – Like many health-and-diet books, it drinks its own Kool-Aid quite a bit, but I’m persuaded by a lot of the ideas and the book does a fairly good job backing its claims up with data and study citations.
  • Desiring the Kingdom – American Christianity has often presented itself to me in a very individualistic way, being all about a personal relationship with Jesus, and all about how things move you and how you respond to them. This book opened my eyes to the importance of liturgy, communal practices, and how essential it is that faith be lived out together.

This is Real Life

The funny thing about milestones is that, when they happen, you don’t always realize a milestone is happening.

I remember flipping out like I’d won the lottery the day my dad told my sister and I that we were getting AOL. I was probably seven or eight. He installed the client with floppy disks, so I can’t have been too old. That was a major milestone in my life, but all I cared about was that my cool neighbor Josh (who was 5 or so years older than me and played guitar and was therefore my idol) had AOL and now so did I.

Today, I don’t really remember a ton from those early years of AOL, except looking around for every Star Wars chat room I could find. But the reason I see that as a milestone is because I haven’t been offline since. There have been some incremental updates since then, like cable Internet, Facebook, and MMORPGs, but that was the day that started it all.

The shape of Internet activity, usage, and influence has changed dramatically since then, from the dotcom bust to the Arab Spring to the current American presidential campaign, but I want to highlight one particular factor that has a knack for sneaking by under the radar: people don’t “go online” any more. We are online.

Consider this: with dial-up, we only spent certain times online because they needed to keep the phone lines open. Even after DSL and cable came along, for a while most people still had desktops with network cables plugged in, so you still had to go to your access point to get connected. Now we have laptops, tablets, smartphones, WiFi, and 4G. If you’re reading this, odds are you actually have to go out of your way to not be connected to the Internet.

All of that was preamble to the main point I want to make in this post: if it happens on the Internet, it’s happening in real life. I’m going to repeat that, please read this slowly and let it sit for a moment before you keep reading. If it happens on the Internet, it’s happening in real life.

Twitter is public by default. Hundreds of millions of people are on Facebook. Youtube comments can be read by anyone who goes to the video. None of these things may look or feel as real and serious as talking to someone face to face, but they’re still messages you convey from yourself to whoever can read it.
Depending how you feel about technology and social media, that idea might be exciting or scary, or it might just seem obvious, but it’s important to remember because it’s far too easy to think of the Internet as this distant, other thing that only matters when you’re there. But the truth is that, whether your username is John Smith or pizzalover52, your online interactions are real interactions with real people.
So that’s the main point: this is real life. The internet. Social networks. Digital life. It’s all real. What do we do about that?
I have a few suggestions, and then I’d love to hear yours.
  1. Be consistent: if you’re normally friendly, you can be friendly online. Anonymity creates a powerful temptation to do things you would never do “in real life” because no one will know it’s you. But you’ll still be doing unkind things to real people, and you’ll still be acting unkind, which will have an effect on you, even if not on them.
  2. Love your neighbor: Jesus* taught to love your neighbor, and dispelled the notion that “neighbor” could be boxed in by limitations like proximity, nationality, or beliefs. So even before the Internet, everyone was your neighbor, but now thanks to the Internet, everyone is next door.
  3. Be holistic: try to present your true self online. It’s tempting to only post your funniest jokes and your greatest accomplishments and your most flattering pictures. I won’t suggest that you counterbalance that by posting your deepest darkest secrets and pictures of all your zits, but consider being a little more vulnerable. You can get a surprising amount of support from friends on Facebook if you’re honest about the fact that your life isn’t perfect. Just give it a shot.
What do you think? How do you embrace real life in the age of the Internet?
* I don’t think you need to be a Christian to recognize that everyone is your neighbor and that you should love your neighbor, but I do believe his way of making his point was one of the best.

Fail More Gooder than the Before Time

Crazy Talk

I have a crazy, controversial attitude toward success: I feel good when I succeed, and I feel bad when I don’t succeed.

Wait, no, that’s not the controversial one. Sorry, got my notes out of order.

I appreciate failure. There we go.

Now, I know this isn’t actually controversial; people constantly offer advice about learning from mistakes and treating setbacks as a chance to grow. But I have a specific idea which became important to me in the past few years, that I wish I’d understood long before. This isn’t a groundbreaking new insight, but maybe hearing it in a new way will help you appreciate it, if you didn’t before.

First, a confession: I’m going to tell you about how I’m dumb. Don’t worry about my self-esteem. I know I’m awesome. I also know I’m dumb. Let’s take a look.

Think Harder

Here’s something dumb that I used to do all the time: If I didn’t know how to do something well, I didn’t try to do it at all.

I’m not talking about perfectionism, per se, but a very similar attitude. When I approached a difficult problem, I always wanted to spend a lot of time up front, thinking through how to approach it before actually working on the actual task. I never said it out loud, but I always had this underlying assumption that if I spent long enough just thinking, then I’d get this flash of inspiration and I’d realize exactly what to do. So I’d pace around or take a walk or sit down with a journal, and I’d say to myself, “Self, we’re going to sit here and think about how to do the thing until we have figure out the best way and then we will do it the best way and the thing will be done and we will be heroes.”

And we’d think, Self and me, and we’d ponder and mull and contemplate and consider and we’d stare very intently at our conspicuously blank journal until eventually realizing that wanting it harder didn’t make things easier and we’d give up and go play Nintendo.

This process has never worked once in my entire life.

Here are two and a half problems with this plan:

  • I never actually started the task
  • I got mad at myself
  • I got meta (this is the half)

You Wanna Start Something?

Simple productivity rule: in order to complete a task, you have to actually do it.

The biggest, most significant problem with spending too much time thinking about how you work is that you’re taking time away from actually working. And of course, a major disclaimer belongs here: thinking about how you work is good. You should ask yourself if there’s a better way to do it than the way you’re doing it now. But don’t miss the forest for the painstakingly manicured trees. Split your time! Spend a few minutes asking questions like “What do I need to do first?” and “How can I break this down into smaller chunks?” and “Is there a good technique for this?”, come up with some basic answers, and then roll up your sleeves and get started (unless your task is to put on a sleeveless shirt).

After you’ve made some progress, go back to question mode. Ask yourself “What did I do poorly?” and “Did I miss anything?” and spend some time looking for ways to do it better. This isn’t about blaming yourself for mistakes. There’s a huge difference between asking “Do I suck?” and saying “I can be even better.” This is about being even better.

Mad is For Hatters, Which You Aren’t

This one’s pretty simple: trying to do something that doesn’t work will not work. This is an important part of appreciating failure, like I mentioned before: when you fail and learn from it, you make a change, and you abandon the thing that doesn’t work. Don’t lose yourself in trying to do everything right the first time, because you will get mad at yourself and end up in a downward spiral where you try harder and fail harder and try harderer and fail even more worser and you get so angrified that you stops using your grammars good.

Take it from me, don’t bother learning this one the hard way.

What’s a Meta With You?

The best thing about realizing your planning method doesn’t work is when you use your broken method to try to fix your broken method. I was stuck for longer than I’d like to admit before I understood that thinking long and hard about how to think long and hard wasn’t getting me anywhere.

Remember that thing where I’m dumb? Yeah, me too.

So What Should I Do to Do What I Should?

Most of this post has been about what not to do, but I want to close with some basic advice for good ways to get things done.

Most importantly, start. Ask a few questions, gather a few supplies, do whatever seems obvious and readily available to make the task easier, but you usually don’t need to rally the troops and deliberate before you make some progress. You’ll even find that having something to show for yourself early on gives you something to reflect on when you want to improve it.

Second most important, iterate. Software development has adopted the idea of version numbers. The vast majority of software releases are not Version 1.0 – they’re 1.1, 1.5, 2.0, 10, and so on. We start with something that’s good enough, and then we use it for a while, and we update it when it’s no longer good enough, or when we realize we can make it even better.

Third, software developers also have a concept called minimum viable product. Remember your first cell phone? I bet it didn’t even have Angry Birds on it. But it could make phone calls! Start with something that does the main thing, and make it better as you go.

Rock On

In closing, bear this in mind: You are awesome. You might also be a little dumb. That’s okay! When you catch yourself being dumb, just smile, laugh, and be less dumb the next time. That’s all any of us are ever doing.

What do you say?

Urbana – Hack4Missions

In the week between Christmas and New Year’s in 2015, I joined 16,000 brothers and sisters at Urbana, a missions conference hosted by Intervarsity and held in St. Louis, MO. I want to share some thoughts on my experience. I’ll break my reflections into few posts, because I have more to say than I can fit into one entry.

What it Was

Urbana normally consists of 4 major elements: general sessions, bible study, seminars, and an exhibit hall. Mornings and evenings are for bible study and general sessions, leaving people free in the afternoon to browse the exhibit hall and attend seminars. I’ll go into more detail on these in later posts.

This year Urbana introduced an additional path in the afternoon: a hackathon (if you’re not familiar with that term, check it out). 190 participants (with a few dozen mentors, challenge leads, and organizers) gave up the chance to attend seminars or spend time in the exhibit hall to work on 12 different technology projects, ranging from bible translation software to a video game about the life of a refugee to a social media campaign for Christian testimony from Olympic athletes.

We had a very simple rallying cry for the week: “Expect great things from God, attempt great things for God.”

Though a hackathon is usually much longer (often a nonstop 24- or 48-hour event), Hack4Missions teams only had 9 hours of real development time. Even with sizable teams, that’s a drop in the bucket for a software project. And yet, when each team presented on Thursday, we all had real, tangible results. None of us quite had code ready to give to an end user, but we all had amazing results given the constraints. As I told my friends at the end of the week, “what we accomplished this week…was literally more than we could have accomplished without the power of the Holy Spirit. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty convinced I witnessed a miracle.”

What it Meant to Me

If you’ve had a long-ish conversation with me in the past year or so, odds are very high that I’ve talked about my dream job: bringing technology to the Church, helping missions and ministries be more effective in loving, serving, and evangelizing with the help of modern tools. It’s why I created Kingdom Builders, and it’s why, when I went to Urbana 15, I participated in Hack4Missions.

Recently, I had become pretty self-conscious when I talked about my dreams; plenty of people I know aren’t really technologists, and they would say “oh, that’s a good idea” but it would be hard to move the conversation forward from there, so I started saying less about it.

That changed completely at Hack4Missions. I got a chance to very briefly share my story with all the participants, and I told them plainly that this event was a dream come true, and it was not a new dream. I’ve been moving in this direction for 3 years. Finally, after three years, I was not just telling a friend about my dream, but I was in a room full of people with the same dream. Not only did I get to make something that a Christian ministry can take, improve, and really use to share the love of Jesus with others, but I spent about 20 hours talking, laughing, and working alongside over 200 of the best people I’ve ever known. Like I told them then, I was finally among people like me – my people.

I held myself together, but at the closing event on Thursday, I got pretty choked up. Have you ever anticipated something for a long, long time, and then had it finally happen? The mixture of joy that it’s happening – along with the realization that now it’s over – is powerful.

I have known for several years that this is the direction my career will go. Hack4Missions was only a snapshot, only a glimpse into that future, but it was energizing and affirming in a way that largely escapes explanation. I felt home in a way I haven’t felt in a very long time.

I could do this forever. I plan to.

What it Means for You

In the last section, I said “now it’s over,” but really it isn’t. I have 200 new friends. I have 12 new hobbies. At Urbana 15, God worked in many enormous ways, but my personal favorite is that He showed up at Hack4Missions, He filled us with the energy and focus to serve Him with our gifts and talents, and He proved that no matter what the application, if we’re using our talents for Him, we’ll achieve more than we imagined we could.

If you’re a techie like me, please join in! Come to Kingdom Builders, get connected to a project, encourage one another, and celebrate the God can and will use us in His Kingdom.

If you’re not a techie, please also join in! If the work of the Church is important to you, you can help us see how technology can improve it. You can help us see what’s hard to do, what’s inefficient, where the talent is needed. Technology creators love to solve problems; tell us the problems we can help you solve!

React

I’d love to hear what you think! I’m getting more into blogging, and as I do I’ll always want any feedback you have. Comment here, send me an email, find me on social media, whatever works for you.

Stick Out Your Tongue and Say “Aaah…”

What’s going on?

This is only the second month since I resolved to write a blog post every month. I really haven’t wanted to write this month, but I’m not going back on my resolution, so I made a compromise: this blog post is about why I haven’t wanted to write.

The reason has a name: Depression.

I considered writing “I have depression” or “I’ve been diagnosed with depression” or “I’m battling/struggling/fighting/gerunding with depression” but none of those sentences fit. It’s part of me right now, and while it doesn’t define me (I wouldn’t say “I am depressed” the way I would say “I am a Christian” or “I am a geek”), I also can’t really treat  it as external. I won’t write a long essay here, but I want write about it, and to strike a balance between explaining it clearly – for those who don’t know much about it – and keeping it simple – to avoid turning this into a pity party.

The most obvious, immediate, significant symptom of depression for me is that I often don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to go to work and don’t want to do work while I’m there, but more than that, when I’m home and have free time, I don’t want to read, don’t want to play games, don’t want to do the things on my to-do list. When people invite me to do things, even things I sincerely enjoy, I often don’t want to go; I debated not going to Thanksgiving dinner this year. Other factors: short temper, heightened desire to avoid social interaction, loss of appetite, and difficulty concentrating. Often, I just want to sleep, or lay in bed staring at the ceiling and sighing dramatically.

I know how dumb that last part sounds. I didn’t just write that to be clever – it’s real, and it is dumb. It’s also really hard to resist.

Depression is complicated because often there’s no real cause. It’s not because of something that happened. It can be measured as a chemical imbalance in my brain, but that’s certainly not part of how I experience it, any more than I think “Oh no, my antibodies!” when I first get a cold. It’s complicated because I don’t know how to change it, and neither do my wife, my family, or the other people who care about me.

It’s also kind of a roulette wheel: today, I feel pretty good. This past week has been good. But I’ve had good weeks with bad days and bad weeks with good days, off an on with no pattern, since late September.

Why write about it?

Let me be clear that I’m not writing this for sympathy. There are two much better reasons:

Understanding people is important

Depression has significantly affected my behavior in the past few months, and I’m sure people have noticed and wondered. We benefit from candor about how our lives are going. We need to remind one another that life is a vast array of different experiences, and that human beings are complex people. You can’t understand me if you don’t know what’s in my life, and vice versa.

Normalizing mental illness is important

Recently, frank discussion of mental illness has increased, and that’s crucial. People need to empathize with one another, no matter what we’re going through. Whatever you know about me, whatever my relationship to you is, dear reader, depression hasn’t changed that. I am still the person you know and – hopefully – love. This circumstance is significant, and mental illness carries real weight, but we can’t define people by it. I know that I am safe to share these things; I know I will still be loved.

But I want to share for others, anyone who may be hiding a struggle from people who love them. Mental illness is normal; normal in that it is something that can happen to anyone, that like any physical illness it is not your fault, it is not something to be ashamed of, and it is not something to hide. We hope to overcome it, be free of it if we can, and be strong despite it — normal is not the same as good. But don’t let the confusion some people have over mental illness stop you from being honest about yourself.

Is that it?

No, but I’m already over 500 words, and I’ve said the important things: depression is part of my life right now, and that sucks but it’s not the end of the world. It’s okay to talk about it.

Thanks for listening.

P.S. Yes. the article title is a bad pun — because of tongue depressors. Yes, I’m that lame, and no, depression doesn’t change my sense of humor.

Writing Again

Plans

I’ve done some blogging off and on for a while, but have never managed to make a routine or habit out of the practice out of it. I think this is in part because I’ve never chosen a system. I’ve always just said “Oh man, I should blog more often” and then I don’t put any effort into choosing what to write, planning when to post, or making it a habit.

So I’m going to do that, and I’m going to make two rules to help me, because I’ve learned that sometimes the best way to free yourself in a certain aspect of life (such as getting blog posts written) is to constrain yourself in certain other aspects (such as when and how to write).
Here are my three rules:
  • Post once per month. I have a recurring task in my to-do list that will remind me each month to write a post
  • Write 500 words. This is a minimum, but it’s also a target. If I constrain myself to writing shorter posts, I’ll be more likely to finish them, but 500 words is still a long enough body to actually get me to say something.
The topics are going to range, depending on what’s going on in my life and what is important to me. Sometimes they’ll be on tech, sometimes they’ll be on church and faith, sometimes they’ll be on current news. I’m not imposing a restraint on myself in terms of topic, but actually giving myself permission to write about anything, because I sometimes get hung up on “well should I have a tech blog or a faith blog or a public journal or….?”

This is my November post, and I’m at 286 words, so let’s change topics.

Technology and Ministry

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said these two words in the same sentence in the past year. I’ve gotten in touch with dozens of incredible people, through Kingdom Builders, Indigitous, Code for the Kingdom, and Christians in Tech (a private Slack group, so I can’t link to it). I love the ways that technology can improve what we do and how we do it, and there’s no “what” more important than the worship and service of the church.

I reflect often on my role in promoting the use of technology in ministry. Should I search for new technology to create? Should I become a consultant, helping ministries find and use technology that already exists? Should I join or start a business and lead others in creating and/or educating?

These questions trouble me sometimes. I dream of changing the world (whether or not I should), and struggle to remain patient with a dream that takes years to realize. But I know that even slow progress is progress, and I hold on to hope for the future, with the help of my wife, my transformation group at church, and constant prayer. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know God will use me — not just then, but now, and every minute along the way.

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